Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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