I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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