no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I can't put those talents on a resume
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize