I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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