If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
