so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
