I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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