the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
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