she takes plan B like it's going out of style
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
