she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
