goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
