i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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