The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
