the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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