I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
