I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
