I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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