Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize