okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
