Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize