can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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