i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
