so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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