feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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