I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You left your underwear on the fireplace
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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