Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
