dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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