His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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