i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
