I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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