he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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