a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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