So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Is it because I queefed?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize