why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
