Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize