too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
