at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize