i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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