hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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