this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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