everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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