Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize