mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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