I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
