I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Do you still have your period?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
The struggles of a small town man whore
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
