Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
my poor anus
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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