omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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