There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
