There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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