Fine. I'll sleep in my office
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
