My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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