Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
