im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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