yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
did you just send me my own nude
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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