All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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