After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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