He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
