I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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