Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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