the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
They have beer where we have blood.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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