you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
