Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize