Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
