Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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